User blog:ElizaCreststeel/Fool's Gold

Posted by Robert Huntington

March 17, 2018, midnight



What a week mates, what a week indeed. You know, it was just yesterday that I saw in this very tavern, a showdown unlike any other I’ve seen in all my wanderings ‘round the Caribbean.

Who am I? I am no one important, a hunter and a trapper mostly. I travel the Caribbean, selling what I gather. I’m an old friend of the captain and… Captain Graves, of course; who did ye think!? Lubbers…

Like I said, one of the captain’s oldest friends, I tells him everything I see and he pays me well for it. So when I was sitting in Ratskellar playing poker, another of my favorite pastimes; the captain tells me I have a gambling problem. I don’t see it as a problem though, as I only gamble when I’m sure to win; ha ha ha! Anyway, I was playing cards and I heard that wee Irishman giving Finnigan’s account of the green seas. That leprechaun couldn’t fool me; I knew it was Finnigan himself, the slippery little codfish. So of course, I did what’s natural to me. I told Captain Graves, for my customary fee.

Yes, that is a real bow and arrows. I use them rather a gun fer most huntin’. It’s quieter, and does less damage to the meat and pelts, see? I be a better shot with this than most Royal Marines are with their muskets. But I digress…

Once Graves heard that Finnigan O’Hare was in the area, he set out to find him. That led t’ the events of last night. I’m sure ye heard about it; if ye didn’t see it for yerselves. Ye didn’t!? Then let me tell ye!

It was right here in The Faithful Bride. Finnigan were pretending to be his best friend and giving his account. I was sittin’ in the corner table nursing a drink, with me eyes out fer trouble. Sure as my shootin’, Captain Graves came bursting in the door like an oncoming storm.

“FINNIGAN O’HARE!” he bellowed, sword already in hand. “Ye owes me a coat, a vest, a shirt, an’ the painless removal of a hideous tattoo!”

Well o’ course, Finnigan tried to deny it. Said that Graves lost fair and square; that the gold were still his, and if Graves returned every last copper piece, as well as two chests more as recompense, he’d trade Graves back his items.

If ye don’t stop interrupting me, I’ll not tell ye this tale! By thunder… Have another round passed, an’ let me finish, blast ye!

Graves gestured to his men, an’ they brought forward a pair of skull chests unlike any I’d ever seen before, along with two other chests of equal size. Finnigan opened them each in turn, and satisfied with the contents, vanished them with his staff. Graves demanded Finnigan keep his side of the bargain, but the Irishman refused. Said that Graves had lost the bet, and had t’ live with the consequences.

Well, that didn’t make Graves very happy, and he swung a mighty blow fer the leprechaun’s head. Finnigan ducked, and raised his staff t’ attack. That were my cue; I stood up quickly and fired an arrow, it embedded itself in the staff but rather than tear it from Finnigan’s grasp as planned, it simply took the leprechaun by surprise. I fired again, and again, each shot splitting the others and embedding in the staff but none takin’ it from him. By then, Graves was attacking again, forcing Finnigan O’Hare into a defensive posture. He blocked blow after blow, duckin’ and dodgin’, weavin’ between the legs and bodies of the crowded tavern!

Finally, he had an opening. He raises his staff and shouted some odd gibberish; an’ gold b’gan raining from the ceiling; I swear to you this be true! The tavern exploded into chaos as pirates all ‘round started trying to stuff pockets, pouches, tankards, any container they could find with as much gold as possible. Finnigan looked shocked, I doubt that were his intent; the arrows stickin’ from his staff must’ve altered the spell!

In all the chaos, Captain Graves managed to get Finnigan’s staff, and snapping off me arrows, used it to conjure up his lost clothin’ and to remove that hideous tattoo. Finnigan tackled him, wrested the staff from his grasp, and raised it high. I shot it again, and the distraction were enough for Cap’n Graves to cleave it in two with a mighty blow of his sword! There were a thunderous clap, a flash o’ light, and all was still. The gold, and Finnigan himself were gone.

We all ran down to th’ beach and looked; th’ seas still be green. And green they are today, too. Cap’n Graves has sailed t’ find Tia Dalma; perhaps she can fix what Finnigan would not. In the meantime… heh heh heh… Cap’n Graves wanted me to tell ye all that he got the best of Finnigan O’Hare. The gold he returned, was fake.

See, I had heared all about the leprechauns, and had learned how to make a potion used by the wee green folks themselves. It takes any substance and turns it into gold, but only fer a few hours. They use it themselves t’ fool others into partin’ with their wealth, and it were used to fool Finnigan the same way. I taught Graves how t’ brew it, and by th’ Eternals, he used it well! Finnigan O’Hare managed to trick Cap’n Graves into giving him four chests of worthless rocks! Har har har!

Well, thanks for the drinks, lads. I’m off to a nice quiet island to lay low fer a few days. After this crazy week, I need a good rest and a strong drink! Have a great St. Patrick’s Day, and as Cap’n Graves would say; Take what ye can, and give nothin’ back!